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The Second Guess – Turning creative fear into joy!

I stepped out of the cold into a warm and inviting entryway. A collection of colorful works decorated the walls and surfaces of her home. Artfully placed yet organized, it told the story of a fascinating individual, well traveled and knowledgeable, confident. We were offered a variety of coffees for our choosing and an accompaniment of delightful fruits and cheeses, served on hand sculpted wooden plates.

She was an accomplished instructor, a former Hollywood director and script writer who now made her home just a few minutes from mine on the coast of Maine. I was just a fledgling writer, a woman with the crazy idea that she could write a book. After sufficiently warming up to each other, the class began. Within the first five minutes, I knew this was no ordinary workshop. She boldly announced that she taught only serious writers, putting us all, specifically me, on notice.

I read a portion of my story out loud, the first time I had ever done such a thing in public. My heart pounded furiously, my throat began to close giving way to an irritating cough. Afterward, the critique was tolerable. My instructor and the other attendees were careful not to damage a budding artists ego. It was what came next that made me feel like I had just contracted some exotic disease. She leaned in, staring straight at me with an unmatched intensity. She wanted more, more than I had to give. She wanted every why, where, how … she wanted my deepest, innermost thoughts … my carefully guarded secrets. They were mine. I’d locked them away years ago and I wasn’t about to let them out! My stomach gave way to an odd, queasy feeling, my body shook with an internal quake. To say I was second guessing this whole entire process was an understatement. I wanted to shove my spiral bound notebook into my backpack and run!

“I’d love to take that cooking class.” “You never have time to cook.”

“I want to learn to draw.” “You’re not really that talented.”

“If only I could learn to work with clay.” “I’m too old, it’s too late.”

“I should write a book!” “Are you kidding?”

And so goes the conversations we have with ourselves. As we step out into unknown territory the little voice in our head utters words of caution or tales of woe, second guessing our actions. Fear kicks in. We suppose we could never accomplish what we set out to do.

In order to push past the fear, we must embrace the tension. So what if there’s a strange queasy feeling in the pit of our stomach or an off balance sensation in our heads? All the better! It’s a sign we are about to break through! Embrace the anguish that is an unavoidable component of the experience of creating something important. And before you know it, much to your complete surprise, you begin to crave the chaos and complexity that comes with a jolt forward. The intensity can be overwhelming … but just for a moment. The feeling quickly changes from fear to joy!

 

Creative Fear - Renuko Style

 

Creative Fear - Renuko Style

 

Creative Fear - Renuko Style

 

Creative Fear - Renuko Style

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5 Comments

  • Reply Lisa Gordon

    Truly wonderful and inspiring post, Karen!

    February 27, 2017 at 7:40 pm
  • Reply Cheryl crotty

    I loved this post and I understand the feeling that you are talking about. I took a weekend workshop two years ago with Natalie Goldberg and she approached us all in the same way. I was drained when I left because I did open my heart and speak of things that had been locked away for many years…I wrote them not knowing that we would all be asked to read them out loud. It was freeing but honestly, I have locked them back up again…This year I took a workshop with Elizabether Berg…yup, everyone there ended up with tears streaming…I love working on my blog and writing for myself but I have no illusions of being a writer…but oh how I love the workshops…
    Your writing and photo’s are beautiful…thanks for sharing and reminding me that if I chose, I can also put it out there…
    Have a great week.

    February 28, 2017 at 12:41 am
  • Reply Kimberly

    This brings tears to my eyes and hope all at once. I’ve only recently begun the journey of stepping outside my comfort zone, with surprising and thrilling consequences. You’ve inspired me to reach for more! Thank you thank you!

    February 28, 2017 at 2:03 am
  • Reply Michelle B

    Wonderful words. It is good to know the little voice that keeps pushing dreams aside happens to us all. I needed to hear your words today to remind me to ’embrace the tension’ of basically stretching past my comfort zone and daring to reach out to my dreams. Have a wonderful day!

    February 28, 2017 at 6:14 pm
  • Reply ginmackey

    A wonderful and inspiring post, Karen. Before I began self-publishing, I had a lot of fear, as if I was about to step off a precipice. Finally I did, and as I journeyed along the path, it felt at times daunting, exhilarating, infuriating and in the end, incredibly empowering. It’s hard to keep stepping into fear, but it feels so good when you do. Thanks for a terrific post!

    March 7, 2017 at 9:56 pm
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